Pastoring is like Parenting

Often the pastor’s role is one of a parent, a coach or a Chaplin. A CEO style leadership is the death of a small church ministry. They want to be loved and cared for, not commanded. Decision making is often informal and tribal. Things like Roberts Rules of Order frustrate them and they will often use that against you if you insist on doing it “by the book”.

They view the relationship of a Pastor to the church much like a marriage. Once they decide you are “in”, they get nervous when you start talking about other ministries. In their minds it would be like a husband talking positively about other women. Most of them take great pride in having a “Full Time” pastor. In some declining rural areas it is seen as a status symbol.

In rural ministry you cannot lead people until they know that you love them and are committed to them. Until you have formed relationship, you have not earned the right to lead. Too many pastors make changes without understanding the need for relationships first. When the people know you love them and are committed to them – they will follow you. In fact – they will often overlook your faults and mistakes when they never have to question your love or commitment.